Driving Licence: A Funny Journey

Grandpa’s Driving Saga In Mountains:

Ah, boy, let me tell you how I got my driving license in Italy.

You know how much I love driving—the open road, the wind in my hair, the engine purring like a content cat. But, boy, this journey? It was more like an adventure straight out of a comedy movie.
So, let me take you back.

Imagine:

I didn’t have a European driver’s license—obviously. I had an Indian one, which in Italy was useless. So, I had to get a European license. Sounds easy, right? Wait… NO 😂

European Driver’s License

It seems simple—until I realized this:

The theory exam was in Italian. At that time, my Italian skills were basically “Caffè, per favore,” —let’s be honest—it doesn’t help much when you’re trying to pass an exam that even Italians find difficult.

So, I joined a driving school in Italy. The only problems were:

• I understood only 10% of what was going on in lessons.

• The textbook and practice papers? All in Italian.

• The teacher? Spoke Italian faster than Ferrari. I felt like I was in a foreign movie without subtitles. 🤨

Are you with me so far? Hmm…

I started thinking, “There must be a way around this.” I considered every shady shortcut you can imagine—I even thought about calling a few dodgy characters from the underworld. But every time, I reached the same conclusion: “Don’t do it, kid. It’s risky. It’s full of scams. Even Italians struggle with this test.”

So, I made a decision: LET’S STUDY. 😐 (It was a Good Decision. right?)

Now, picture this:

• I was already juggling my master’s thesis (Transmutation Trajectory Analysis of a Fusion-Fission Reactor),

• A part-time teaching job (Mathematics to students who hate Mathematics),

• And a mountain of other stuff (Italian bureaucracy, my small business…).

But, before any exam, I do my Analysis about that subject like Sherlock Holmes. So I found: 🧐

• The exam has 40 questions, and you need 36 correct answers to pass. 36! Do you know how hard that is when you’re still figuring out how to say “left turn” in Italian?

• The exam has 75% easy, 15% tricky, to 10% difficult questions.

• I have 30 minutes to complete it.

• There’s an audio option, where questions are read in Italian…Santa Maria (But for me, it was distracting, so I decided to read.)

Everytime-Everywhere-Me and Practice Questions—bus stations, on buses, train stations, in trains, grocery store lines. I stopped bicycling to avoid exhaustion. Google Translate became my best friend. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑

For five months, diving deeper and deeper into the material like a detective on the case of the century.

The Day Before the Exam – Is Enough to Break My Hope

When I thought everything was going fine, my school arranged a practice exam. Guess what? I made FIVE mistakes. Five! Five mistakes in a practice exam. The drama was real. Everyone was like, “This guy? He’s not gonna pass.” IMPOSSIBLE…

But do you know, if you do not move forward, you are always stuck at one point, endlessly waiting and asking yourself, ‘Am I ready now?’ Go and fail. Failing is better. For an honest person, failure is the best teacher.

But I also have a secret weapon — Faith.

“Boy: If you work hard and stay honest, God will help you. And even if you fail, maybe God’s got a better plan.”

So the big day came. I just had a coffee, took a deep breath, and relaxed in the peaceful moments before the storm. Ah, the calm before the chaos.

The Exam – ALIEN SYSTEM 1940’s MOVIE!!

I walked into the exam, and what did I see? A computer system that looked like it was straight out of a 1940s sci-fi movie. The buttons? Stuck. The screen? Flickering like a haunted television. And there were no instructions! I spent THREE whole minutes just trying to figure out how to click the first question and move to the next one. 🤨

My nerves were through the roof. But then, I remembered something my grandfather used to say: “Focus on the goal. Stay calm.” (That’s also how I cured my speaking disorder when I was your age.)

Finally, I clicked submit…. And,

When I was just leaving school, I saw a dangerous accident on the road. A girl hit an old man’s car badly while trying to cross the yellow light. Fortunately, both were okay, but the car was destroyed. I helped the old man; he was alright but in shock. It was so scary that, for a while, I thought, “Is it the right decision to get a license in Italy?”  Girls are dangerous here…..🤨

But then, hours later, the phone rang…

The voice on the other end said: “Gurav sei promotato.” Meaning I was promoted! To the next level. My driving journey in Europe had almost begun.

The Instructor – A Comedy of Misunderstandings

But wait, the real fun hadn’t started yet. Now, I had to face the driving instructor. He didn’t speak English, and after I passed the theory exam with just one mistake, he assumed I was fluent in Italian. Ha! Tada!!!

Now, imagine this:

I’m sitting in a car with a guy who speaks Italian faster than a Ferrari on the highway. And me? I’m sitting there like a deer caught in headlights. I had no idea what the instructor was instructing… exactly like this face 😐

In addition, I was like you. I don’t understand directions like ‘turn right’ or ‘turn left’—not even in my mother tongue! Unless you start waving your arms around like a traffic cop. So, my poor instructor thought it was an Italian language issue.

Finally, after three months, the instructor said, “Gurav è pronto per l’esame”—“Gourav is ready for the final test.”

The Pre-Exam Test – Professor Severus Snape

But there was one more obstacle before the final exam: the pre-exam test.

I got an old, strict instructor for this exam. He was strict and, guess what? He spoke Italian but in Napolitano (for foreigners, it sounds like Italian, but for Italians, it’s Napolitano).

To bring my hope to zero, he put me in a red Fiat Panda—a car I had never driven before in my life. And we started driving through highway traffic, city streets, and at night. It felt like I was with my wife, and only she had the right to speak. It was like surviving a storm in a boat with no oars.

I was thinking, ‘If I listen to the instructor’s instructions, I’m going to crash!’ So, I had to say, ‘Si, si,’ but do what I can see. My main job was to take this old man back to school alive without giving him a heart attack. 😐

I didn’t fully understand what he said to the school, but in the end, his eyes spoke louder than words. He was smiling and, without saying a word, telling me, ‘You’re a good driver.’

The Final Exam

Now, the big day arrived. I was nervous… because examiner feedback was like a girl’s comments on her ex-boyfriend: cryptic and nerve-wracking. You’re young; you’ll understand someday.

At one point, he asked me to park the car. So, I did what I always do—no shame in asking for help, especially when safety is on the line. I politely said, ‘Controllare dietro, per favore,’ which means, ‘Please watch the back.’ And guess what? He actually did! 😃

In the end, the examiner said, ‘You have the best steering control among all the students today.’ 🏆✨
And he said all of this in English… which was the biggest plot twist of the day! 🤨
That’s how I brought you here today to enjoy the mountains… wait, the story isn’t complete.

The Car Hunt – But Not Today… I Need Rest…